Worst. Cash In. Ever.

Last night, the main event of Smackdown Live was Jinder Mahal taking on John Cena. It looked like Cena was going to win when Corbin interferes and beats up Cena. He then decides to cash in his briefcase. Unfortunately, he is distracted by Cena and this allows Jinder to roll him up and get the win.

Without a doubt, this is the worst cash in I have ever seen and there are many things to look at. First of all, the timing. To do this in the last few minutes of your go-home show before the second biggest event of the year is a big surprise and if Corbin was successful, it would have made Summerslam very interesting. Would Cena vs Corbin now be a Championship match? What would Shinsuke Nakamura, the Number 1 Contender, have to say about it? Would it be now be a triple threat match or will Corbin face Nakamura instead? If Talking Smack was still going on, you could see all those questions being answered by Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan. 

Secondly, Jinder is probably the luckiest person on the planet because everyone else involved in this are fucking morons. Corbin is practically back at the Gorilla position before he decides to cash in. Then he has to wait for the referee to tell the ring announcer and the time keeper about what is happening and make sure Jinder is ok to compete. This gives Jinder a long time to recover. When the match starts, Corbin gets distracted by Cena, who is just standing on the apron not doing anything. Also, you have to think that Cena is an idiot in this as well. Even though he techncially didn't do anything, but he's laughing at Corbin afterwards. You do realise that you could be facing Corbin for the WWE Championship at Summerslam, right? You know, the chance to be a 17-time World Champion, breaking Ric Flair's record? I know that Cena is supposed to be the ultimate babyface but there are times where he does some really dumb things.

I'm not the biggest fan of Baron Corbin but I feel so sorry for him. He not only loses in less than 10 seconds but by a roll up. Jinder doesn't even hit his finishing move. If that isn't a big "fuck you" by WWE, I don't know what is. I know that some people think that this could make Corbin better but we thought that about Damien Sandow and look what happened to him.

Money in the Bank - The Contenders

Money in the Bank is this evening and, as usual, there will be ladder matches to determine who will get a title shot for the World Heavyweight Championship and the WWE Championship. Let’s look at the contenders.

World Heavyweight Championship Ladder Match

Christian
Record: 0-4
The two –time World Heavyweight Champion and the current Intercontinental Champion is in his element in this kind of match. I know that a lot of people would love him to win it, but I don’t think he will
Chances of winning: Potential Dark Horse

Santino Marella
Record: First Time
I know that some people are wondering why the current United States Champion is anywhere near this match. I think that he has a very slim chance of winning but he was the runner-up to the 2011 Royal Rumble, so I’m not exactly ruling it out.
Chances of Winning: Slim

Lord Tensai
Record: First Time
Lord Tensai has been up and down the card since his return to the WWE. Because of that, I don’t think he will win.
Chances of Winning: Slim

Sin Cara
Record: 0-1
While 2011 has been difficult year for Sin Cara, 2012 has been so far, so good for him. I think he has a slim chance of winning and I still think that WWE would like a Champion who can, well...speak. Hopefully, he won’t get powerbombed through a ladder like last year.
Chances of Winning: Slim

Tyson Kidd
Record: First Time
Tyson Kidd is a tremendous athlete and is one of the underrated people in the WWE. It’s great to see him get a push and I think he has the potential to be a great Champion. However, I don’t think this will be that time.
Chances of Winning: Slim

Damien Sandow
Record: First Time
Damien Sandow has been a joy to watch since his debut on Smackdown and I think he is one of the best talkers in the company at the minute. It would be a massive surprise if he won the briefcase, but it would also be a nice surprise.
Chances of Winning: Er...it’s possible

Cody Rhodes
Record: 0-2
Could this be Cody’s time? Cody has been a revelation over the last 18 months with his excellent ability and character development. I have no doubt that Cody will be a future World Champion; the question is, are the WWE ready to give him that opportunity?
Chances of Winning: High

Dolph Ziggler
Record: 0-2
The question about Cody Rhodes could equally apply to Dolph Ziggler. Dolph has had chances to win a World Championship and he is (technically) a former World Heavyweight Champion. Personally, I don’t think he needs the briefcase but it could be exactly what he needs.
Chances of Winning: High

WWE Championship Ladder Match

The Big Show
Record: 0-1
The Big Show was looking good in his recent heel turn until Cena fucked that up. Now, I don’t really care. I can’t see him winning the briefcase though a feud between him and Punk could be interesting.
Chances of Winning: Slim

Kane
Record: 1-5
Kane has had the most experience in Money in the Bank matches yet he is probably the one who has the less chance of winning. Kane getting the briefcase would not help anyone.
Chances of Winning: Slim

Chris Jericho
Record: 0-3
The inventor of the match has an excellent opportunity to get the briefcase. It would be great to see. However, I can only see one people winning it and it’s not him.
Chances of Winning: Quite high

John Cena
Record: First Time
John Cena has never been in a MITB match before but he has suffered it by being cashed in on, not once but twice. He is the only one that I can see winning this match. The question is, will he do the honourable thing and actually cash it in to make a match or could this be the opportunity for a heel turn?
Chances of Winning: Very high.

Fav Five: April and May 2012

Yeah buddy, after a month off, it’s time for Lo-Down Wrestling’s Fav Five. I never got a chance to publish the one for April; so I decided to do April and May’s Fav Five in one article.

April 2012

5.  John Cena

John Cena has been actually enjoyable to watch in his feud with Brock Lesnar. Their match at Extreme Rules was quite good with Cena pulling out the victory despite Lensar destroying him for most of the match. It made Cena look strong and managed to gain some respect from the Cena Haters. Shame he ruined it the next day.

4. John Laurinaitis

I like John Laurinaitis (did you know that he’s the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and the GM of both RAW and Smackdown?) a lot. However, since he became the Supreme GM, he doesn’t seem to be as enjoyable as he has over the last few months. Despite that, I have enjoyed that he always displays the Brother Love suit that he wore at Wrestlemania and he has effectively made Teddy Long his bitch.

3. Sheamus

Sheamus became World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania and he has been fun to watch. His match with Daniel Bryan at Extreme Rules was one of the best matches of the night and showed how well they work together.

2. Brock Lesnar

Brock Lesnar has been brought in to “legitimatise” the WWE. Since then, he has been destroying John Cena, including busting him open twice. I was surprised when he lost to Cena at Extreme Rules; however, in hindsight, he didn’t really need to win. All Lesnar needed to show was how dominant he can be and he did.

1. Daniel Bryan

As evidenced by my Wrestlemania review, I was just a bit unhappy when Bryan lost the World Heavyweight Championship in 18 seconds. However, instead of being buried, Bryan is more over than ever before and he seems to go from strength to strength. Bryan has improved so much since becoming World Heavyweight Champion and he is now the person that I most look forward to seeing in the WWE.

May 2012

5.  The Big Show

 Even though The Big Show’s heel turn was predictable, Show has been good to watch. The best heels are those that have a genuine reason to be bad and Show does. His upcoming match with John Cena at No Way Out could be a good match to watch.

4. John Laurinaitis

John Laurinaitis (did you know that he’s the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and the GM of both RAW and Smackdown?) has been more fun to watch than he was last month culminating in a match against John Cena which wasn’t too bad. Laurinaitis is still uniquely entertaining along with his employees David Otunga and Eve Torres; and his bitch Teddy Long.

3. CM Punk

The inaugural LDW Wrestler of the Year has been fun to watch over the last month with his rivalry with Daniel Bryan and being the unwilling part of a triangle along with Bryan and AJ. It is starting to develop into an interesting dynamic between the three.

2. Daniel Bryan

Daniel Bryan keeps going as strong as ever. His rivalry with CM Punk has been amazing so far with a tremendous match between the two at Over the Limit, making it one of the matches of the year so far.

1. AJ

AJ is the best Diva to watch in the WWE and she hasn’t wrestled in the last few weeks. Since Bryan blamed her for his loss at Wrestlemania and dumping her; she fucked up Natalya in a match; bitchslapped Kaitlyn into the following week where she got bitchslapped even harder; and slowly getting insane. Now, AJ has turned her attentions to CM Punk, which was been really fun to watch. 

Fav Five: March 2012

It’s time for the Fav Five for March. I would like to point out that this is based on what happened before Wrestlemania.

5. John Cena

In the feud between Cena and The Rock, I feel that Cena has outperformed him at almost every turn. It seems a little bit that Rock is trying too hard while Cena is just doing it naturally.

4. Dolph Ziggler

Over the last few months, I have grown to really like Dolph Ziggler. I love his Show Off gimmick with the theme music; and, although I like Z! True Long Island Story, I look forward to Ziggler’s “Ask the Heel” segment. Ziggler is a joy to watch in the ring and is, at the minute, the best seller in the WWE.

3. John Laurinaitis

John Laurinaitis (did you know that he’s the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and the interim GM of RAW?), while down from the number 2 position, is still fun to watch. I know that some people don’t like how he says things and the mistakes he makes, but that’s what I love about him.

2. Cody Rhodes

Cody, while a great wrestler, is in the Fav Five for his brilliant videos showing Big Show’s Wrestlemania Lowlights over the last few weeks. I wasn’t really into his feud with Show but the videos have made me interested.

1. Daniel Bryan

The man can do no wrong. He is the best thing to watch on Smackdown right now and his relationship with AJ can be compared to the relationship between Macho Man Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth. I know I’m basing my Fav Five on what happened before Wrestlemania, but the interview that he did in the Pre Show was hilarious.

Wrestlemania XXVIII Review

It’s Wrestlemania baby! Wrestlemania XXVIII is taking place at the Sun Life Stadium in Miami, home of the Miami Dolphins in the first outdoor Wrestlemania since Wrestlemania XXIV. How good will this Wrestlemania be? Let’s take a look.

Before the show, I watched the dark match that was on wwe.com, which was Epico and Primo defending their Tag Team Championships against the Usos and the team of Justin Gabriel and Tyson Kidd. This was a really fun match with the highlights including Jey Uso throwing Epico up in the air for Jimmy Uso to catch him and do a Samoan Drop; and Tyson Kidd’s tremendous athleticism. The end of the match was when one of the Usos bodysplashed Gabriel, and Epico pulled him off and hit the Backstabber to get the win. I really enjoyed the match and it would be nice if the WWE put a bit more effort into their Tag Team Division.

Winners: Epico and Primo                                                      Predictions: N/A

After we get Lillian Garcia signing America the Beautiful, we open with the World Heavyweight Championship match?? I know they did this last year but the WWE are doing that again? I know it’s normally a great way to open a PPV with a title match but you could have used the Tag Team Championship match for that. Anyway, back to the event. Daniel Bryan defends his title against the Royal Rumble winner Sheamus and I’ve been looking forward to this match as this could be a dark horse for match of the night. I loved the beginning when Bryan made his entrance and the crowd were chanting “yes” at him. The bell rings and Bryan gets a good luck kiss from AJ, turns round and Sheamus practically brogue kicks Bryan’s head off and gets the win?! Wait, what?! That lasted what 15,20 seconds?! Ok, just give me a minute to digest this...

Ok, WHAT THE FUCK WWE?!?!?! ARE YOU TRYING TO PISS ME OFF?! REALLY?! REALLY?! Was WWE inspired by the beginning of TNA Victory Road this year and decided that it would be a good idea to apply that logic to the opening of their biggest event of the year?! What the FUCK?!  This just makes everyone look incredibly stupid. It makes Sheamus not look like he deserved to win it, and Bryan look like a weak Champion. This is complete and utter bullshit and not a good way to start not just any PPV but the biggest one of the year. I need to reluctantly read the dirtsheets but one of these motherfuckers had better be too injured to compete and that was why the WWE had to shit all over this match. Right rant over, the rest of the PPV had better be fucking amazing otherwise I will be not a happy chappy.

Winner: Sheamus                                                                    Predictions: 1 for 1

After an entertaining segment with Team Johnny, which cheered me up slightly, we get Randy Orton against Kane. Great, after getting pissed off with the first match, I now get one that I not really looking forward to. Kane goes for the Chokeslam early on but Orton gets out of it before Kane gets back the momentum. After a while, Orton does his patented DDT and tries to go for the RKO but Kane counters with a big boot. Kane hits a Chokeslam but Orton kicks out at 2. Kane then hits a Chokeslam from the second rope and gets the win. This match was actually pretty decent and after the clusterfuck of a beginning, it has now made me look forward to whatever match is next.

Winner: Kane                                                                          Predictions: 1 for 2

After a backstage segement involving Santino Marella, Mick Foley, Ron Simmons and some guy that I don’t know; the next match is for the Intercontinental Championship as Cody Rhodes is challenged by the Big Show. Rhodes immediately leaves and Show goes after him and throws Rhodes back into the ring. Rhodes takes advantage of a missed avalanche splash to go on the attack. Rhodes hits the disaster kick but it doesn’t knock Show down so he tries again and gets hit with a spear instead. Show then hits the WMD to get the win and become Intercontinental Champion. This was a decent match with strong performances from both Show and Cody.

Winner: Big Show                                                                   Predictions: 2 for 3

Hey, it’s time for a bathroom break as it’s the Divas match. I’m kidding, I’m staying for this one as Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres take on Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos(?)Still don’t know who Maria is but at the minute, I don’t really care. I have to admit, this match was slightly better than I thought it would be. The end comes when Beth had Maria up in the air, Kelly pulls Maris down and Maria does a roll up on Beth for the victory. It was a decent match with a decent amount of time. However, ironically enough I was not happy about it but I’ll get onto that at the end.

Winners: Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos                            Predictions: 3 for 4

After an interview with Shawn Michaels, we get good old Jim Ross down to ringside to commentate. Yay!  And Cole is not acting like a dick towards him for once. It’s always nice to see JR commentate once again.

Now we get to the End of an Era as The Undertaker is going for 20-0 against Triple H with Shawn Michaels as the Special Guest Referee. Undertaker reveals his new haircut which doesn’t really bother Triple H. The cell is lowered and the match begins. Early on, both guys keep on sending each other into the cell. Michaels tries to look at HHH’s eye to see if he is bleeding but Undertaker pushes him away and continue his assault on HHH. HHH eventually hits a DDT to slow Undertaker’s momentum. HHH tries to do a Pedigree on the steel steps but Undertaker reversed it into a back body drop.  However, HHH gets some momentum after doing an Double A Spinebuster (one of my favourite moves) landing Undertaker onto the steel steps. Undertaker then puts on the Hell’s Gate but HHH reversed it into a powerbomb. HHH attacks Undertaker with a chair and  keeps on attacking him despite Michaels pleas for HHH to stop. HHH starts saying to Michaels that either Michaels should end the match or he will.

HHH brings out the sledgehammer and hits Taker in the head but it only gets a 2 count. HHH tries to hit Taker in the head with the sledgehammer but Michaels pulls it off him. Michaels starts to think about ending the match but Taker puts him in the Hell’s Gate and is stopped by HHH; then HHH is put in the Hell’s Gate and passes out. However, due to Michaels being temporarily incapacitated, the match doesn’t end. Referee Charles Robinson runs in and Taker hits a Tombstone but that only gets 2. Taker doesn’t take that too well and Chokeslams Robinson. Taker goes for another Tombstone, HHH gets out of it and pushes Taker into a Sweet Chin Music followed by a Pedigree, and yet that only gets 2. Michaels starts to get a bit emotional. HHH grabs the sledgehammer and throws Michaels out of the ring. Taker suddenly sits up and beats the crap out of HHH, ending with another Tombstone. However, that only gets a 2 count.

Both guys start punching each other and HHH hits another Pedigree to get a 2 count. Taker grabs a chair and stops HHH from grabbing the sledgehammer Taker destroys HHH with the chair and gets a 2 count out of it. Michaels is pleading with them to end the match, but to no avail. After a defiant gesture by HHH, Taker hits him in the head with the sledgehammer followed by a third Tombstone to get the win and go 20-0. This was an awesome match with a tremendous story. I especially thought Michaels’ role in this match was superb. Michaels probably only wanted to be in the match to feed his own ego. However, he realised very quickly he was out of his depth HHH and Taker were willing to go to finish each other off. Michaels played his role to perfection and the Sweet Chin Music/Pedigree combo made me think for a second that HHH was going to win. It was a match that thoroughly deserved to be the End of an Era and it was a great sight to see them all together at the entrance.

Winner: Undertaker                                                                            Predictions: 4 for 5

Next we see the Hall of Fame Class of 2012 and a little segment in which the One Man Contraband Rock Band Heath Slater gets owned by singer Flo Rida.

The next match is Team Johnny (The Miz, Mark Henry, Drew McIntyre, Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler and Captain David Otunga) taking on Team Teddy (Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, The Great Khali, Booker T, Zack Ryder and Captain Santino Marella) for control of WWE. Some of the highlights include the beginning with Kofi and Dolph, Henry dominating Booker, and R-Truth and Kofi doing suicide somersaults to most of Team Johnny. Booker gets the hot tag to Santino, who dominates the Miz. Santino then tags in Zack, who hits the Rough Ryder on Ziggler (Ziggler once again selling it like he was thrown out of a car). Zack then tries to kick Miz in the head and Eve Torres joins in. The ref gets Eve out of the ring, and when Zack protests, the Miz takes advantage and hits the Skull Crushing Finale to get the win for Team Johnny. Afterwards, Eve kicks Zack in the crotch. I would feel sorry for Zack but I did warn the fucker. This was a fun match and I now have to write “John Laurinaitis (did you know that he’s the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and the General Manager of both RAW and Smackdown?)”

Winners: Team Johnny                                                                       Predictions: 5 for 6

Next was the WWE Championship match between Chris Jericho and CM Punk. Before the match, John Laurinaitis (did you know that he’s the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and the General Manager of both RAW and Smackdown?) added the stipulation that if Punk gets disqualified, he would lose the WWE title. Ok, I didn’t think that was necessary but I’ll go with it. The match starts with Jericho trying to get Punk disqualified. After Jericho taunts Punk about his family, Punk grabs a chair but refrains from using it and that is when Jericho starts to take control. Punk tries to get back into the match but Jericho pulls him off the turnbuckle. A little later on, Punk hits the running knee and tries to do the bulldog. However, Jericho slams Punk to the floor and goes for the Lionsault, which Punk puts his knees up to. However, Jericho takes advantage and tries to go for the Walls of Jericho but Punk powers out of it. Jericho counters a Macho Man elbow drop by Punk and hits the Codebreaker, which sends Punk rolling out of the ring. Punk recovers and hits the GTS but Jericho gets his foot on the rope. Jericho then hits the Lionsault but Punk kicks out at 2. Punk tries to hit a top rope hurracarana but Jericho manages to turn it into the Walls of Jericho but Punk gets to the bottom rope. Jericho hits another Codebreaker but Punk kicks out at 2. Punk tries a couple of times to hit the GTs but each time Jericho had managed to counter it. Punk then tries the GTS again. However, Jericho countered it into the Liontamer version of the Walls of Jericho. Punk manages to get out of it and apply the Anaconda Vice yet Jericho gets out of it by kneeing Punk in the back of the head. Jericho goes once again for the Walls of Jericho but Punk applies the Anaconda Vice again and this time, Punk changes position so that Jericho can’t knee him in the back of the head. Eventually, Jericho taps out, giving Punk the victory. This was a really good match and I really enjoyed Jericho trying to goad Punk early on and the numerous counters that took place.

Winner: CM Punk                                                                   Predictions: 5 for 7

Next we get a fun segment with the Funkasaurus Brodus Clay, involving the Funkettes Cameron and Naomi, along with Mama Clay and her bridge club. It was a nice short little segment to keep everyone’s spirits up.

Now it’s the match billed as “Once in a Lifetime” as The Rock takes on John Cena. The artist MGK sings his song “Invincible” and pisses off the crowd when he announces that Cena will win this match. Cena comes out with a new green T-Shirt (Christ, again?). Next we had Flo Rida perform his songs “Good Feeling” and “Wild Ones” to help introduce The Rock. I appreciate what the WWE are trying to do, but I don’t think we need a mini concert to introduce the wrestlers.

Anyway, after the musical interlude, the match finally gets underway. It starts with a lock up and Cena pushes Rock off. We get another lock up and Rock pushes Cena off. The crowd was really up for this match and Rock does a inside cradle for 2, surprising Cena. Rock tries to go for the Sharpshooter but Cena scoots out of the ring to regroup. Cena starts to attack Rock’s ribs, bouncing him off the announce table. This is where Cena starts to dominate the match for a while. Cena uses a bearhug (haven’t seen that move in a few years) which Rock powers out of before hitting a DDT. Rock hits a Spinebuster then goes for the People’s Elbow. However, Cena tries to go for the STF but was unsuccessful. Rock starts punching Cena, but Cena hits the AA for a 2 count. Rock hits the Rock Bottom but Cena kicks out at 2. Cena hits a top rope fameasser for 2. Rock slaps on the Sharpshooter twice but Rock didn’t realise that Cena doesn’t submit. Ever. Cena gets to the bottom rope and Cena hits the STF again and Rock looks like he passes out so the referee does the much missed 3 arm count. Rock keeps his arm on the 3^rd count. After a late flurry, Rock hits the Spinebuster followed by the People’s Elbow but Cena kicks out at 2. Cena tries to do a superplex but Rock pushes him off. Rock does a crossbody  but Cena manages to keep hold of the Rock, lift him onto his shoulders and do the AA. Rock, to Cena’s shock, kicks out at 2. Cena then decides to mock the Rock by doing a People’s Elbow. However, Rock jumps up and hits the Rock Bottom to get the victory. Holy fucking shit!!! I know it’s Rock’s home town but I didn’t think that he would actually win. This match had a lot of hype going into it and I think it delivered. However, I didn’t really like the ending as I felt that Cena mocking the People’s Elbow didn’t fit in with Cena’s character. It felt like something the Rock would do, mocking something like the 5 knuckle shuffle. Despite that, I really enjoyed the match and a good way to end the PPV

Winner: The Rock                                                                               Predictions: 5 for 8

 I have mixed feelings about this Wrestlemania. As I mentioned last year in my Summerslam review, this event is not being compared to the last PPV but the last Wrestlemania as well. I don’t really think that this year’s Wrestlemania was better than either Wrestlemania XXVIIor Elimination Chamber. That’s not because of the matches as most of them were enjoyable to watch and I think the Undertaker/HHH is an early contender for LDW Match of the Year. I just wish that they would cut down on some of the segments, some of which wasn’t necessary.

However, the event was mainly ruined for me by the clusterfuck of a first match. I feel really sorry for Sheamus and Daniel Bryan as they seemed to get fucked over at Wrestlemania. Last year, their United States Championship match was relegated to the dark match, which developed into a clusterfuck of a battle royal. This year was even worse with an 18 second opening match. I was looking forward to that match and the WWE really fucked over not just me, but a lot of fans in attendance and on TV. What WWE did really put me in a foul mood (as evidenced by my rant earlier) and I found it really hard to get up for it until the Undertaker match. I might look at this event a lot more fondly in a few years. Unfortunately, one of the most abiding memories will be the first match and how it managed to ruin a great atmosphere.

Wrestlemania XXVIIII Predictions

It’s Wrestlemania baby! The Showcase of the Immortals! The Grand Daddy of Them All etc etc. The card for this looks stacked so let’s take a look.

Randy Orton will take on Kane in a feud that doesn’t really make sense to me. The reason that Kane is after Orton is because after a match between the two last July, Kane offered his hand to Orton. If that was the case, why did Kane attack Cena first when he returned? You know what, I don’t really care. Anyway, I expect Randy Orton to win this one.

Predicted Winner: Randy Orton

Cody Rhodes will be defending his Intercontinental Championship against the Big Show. This is the first time that the Intercontinental Championship has been defended at Wrestlemania in 4 years. I have loved Cody’s videos showing Show’s Wrestlemania lowlights. I would love to see Cody retain his title; however, I think that Big Show will become the Intercontinental Champion for the first time.

Predicted Winner: Big Show

Team Teddy will take on Team Johnny for control of both RAW and Smackdown. It’s a shame it’s not a Survivor Series type match as that could be an entertaining contest. I think that Team Johnny as I can’t see any value of Team Teddy winning. If he does, it looks like we will be having a lot of tag team matches, playa.

Predicted Winners: Team Johnny

Divas Champion Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres will take on Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos. Ok, I have a few questions about this match:

·         Who is Maria Menounos?

·         When the fuck did Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres join forces?

·         When did Natalya and Beth end the Legion Divas of Doom?

·         Why should I care about this match? Seriously, why should I?

Thanks to the WWE fucking the Divas around, I expect this match to last less than 5 minutes. Due to the fact that a celebrity is involved, Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos will win this one.

Predicted Winners: Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos

Sheamus will challenge Daniel Bryan for the World Heavyweight Championship. I think that Bryan has been an excellent Champion over the last few months and Sheamus has been looking strong since he won the Royal Rumble. This is a tough one to call but I think that Sheamus will be the first Royal Rumble winner since the Undertaker in 2007 to become World Heavyweight Champion.

Predicted Winner: Sheamus

It’s the End of an Era as the Undertaker will go for 20-0 against Triple H in Hell in a Cell. Even though I’m a big Triple H fan, I wasn’t looking forward to Undertaker vs Triple H III. However, the story going into it and the fact that it’s in Hell in a Cell has made this a very intriguing contest. Plus there is the Shawn Michaels factor as he is the special guest referee and it’s all down to him. Whilst Michaels has beef with both of them, I hope he does what Triple H did when he refereed the Cena/Punk match at Summerslam and stay neutral throughout. I think that this will be a great match and, although they may be times when you think Triple H will win the match, I fully expect Undertaker to win and to go 20-0.

Predicted Winner: Undertaker

The WWE Championship is on the line as “Best in the World” CM Punk defends the title against “Best in the World in Everything he does” Chris Jericho. I know a lot of people are going to Wrestlemania to see Rock vs Cena; however, this has the ability to be the match of the night. The feud for this has been ok with Jericho playing the personal card to get under Punk’s skin, which I don’t mind. However, I just don’t think it’s necessary. This is a really tough one to call. I would be happy with both these guys winning. I’m going for Jericho to win this and become the new WWE Champion.

Predicted Winner: Chris Jericho

The main event (obviously) will be The Rock taking on John Cena in the match billed as “Once in a Lifetime”. The feud has been slowly simmering for over a year and, whilst it may have dropped the ball sometimes, I, along with millions of people, am really looking forward to it. This will be an exciting match and John Cena has to win this, he just has to.

Predicted Winner: John Cena

Whilst I’m looking forward to this, I won’t get to see all of it til Monday night. I hope you enjoy the show and I’ll post my review late Monday night.

Just How Dumb Are You, Zack?!

Ever since it was revealed that Eve was using Zack Ryder two weeks ago, she has been alienating her friends in the Divas Division, Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox. On RAW this week, Eve defeated Alicia in your standard 30-45 second Divas match and then Zack Ryder returned and announced how unhappy that he was being used. Eve started crying and being upset (er...ok) and then a couple of minutes later backstage, she kisses Zack and Zack looks happy about it.

Up until Zack finished speaking, it was fine. Then I started asking a lot of questions. For one, why is Eve being upset about what Zack said? She basically admitted that last week and Zack didn’t say anything that I believe was derogatory to her, or at least nowhere near the level that Cena did two weeks ago. Then, after Eve kisses Zack, why was he so happy about it?

I’m sorry, Zack, I think you’re a great guy and I enjoy your show but you must be the DUMBEST fuck in the WWE right now. It’s so obvious that Eve is planning on using you again and that happened two minutes after you said that you were unhappy with her. Seriously, just how fucking dumb are you (bro)?! I now wonder if Zack, when he was being ass-whooped by Kane over the last few weeks, suffered some sort of brain damage and he now has the memory of a fucking goldfish.

Look, WWE, I like your show but I’m starting to get a bit pissed off when you write inexplicable shit like this. This was a perfect opportunity to create a Wrestlemania feud for Zack. You could have Eve start to use someone else (like The Miz), have Zack be the voice of reason by trying to convince him that he’s being used and you could have a match that way. Normally, if I’m unhappy with a storyline, I wait to see where it goes. However, with this one, I have a sneaking suspicion that this will be shit no matter what.

This is an Example of Being Smart, WWE

The John Cena/Eve Torres segment on RAW last week personified to me the problems that I have with the way that WWE are treating their women. All Eve had done was reveal that she was using Zack Ryder and then was now going to use John Cena. Moving away from Cena’s hypocrisy for the purpose of this article, I don’t get why Eve would suddenly do that. Also I really didn’t like what Cena was saying to her implying that she was a disease-ridden skank, even though she had not even kissed Zack.

At the minute for the Divas, you have the following: 60-90 8-person tag team matches on RAW where only 2-3 of them get involved; the Divas Champion Beth Phoenix saying that there is no competition left for her, yet never saying that on TV; and probably the most technicial wrestler in the division and member of one of the most famous wrestling families of all time (Natalya) going through a farting gimmick. The WWE always say their Divas are “Smart, Sexy and Powerful”. However, I cannot remember for the life of me an example of that being shown by any Diva.

I think that, if you are a woman and want to make it big, it would be best to go to TNA. There, you get to see them actually wrestle for more than 2 minutes, speak on TV and actually have storylines. A really good example of this happened over a week ago on Impact. There was a battle royal to determine the number 1 contender for Gail Kim’s Knockouts Championship between Rosita, Sarita, Angelina Love, Winter, ODB, Mickie James, Velvet Sky, Tara and Brooke Tessmacher (and this was a proper battle royal, not the shitty WWE Divas version). Before the match started, Gail Kim and Madison Rayne went down to observe the match and Madison goes in to speak to the wrestlers and said the following:

“Out of the goodness of her (Gail Kim’s) heart, she is giving each lady in this ring right now the opportunity to become the number 1 contender for her Knockouts Title.”

The match was pretty good and it was between Sarita and Velvet at the end. Velvet wins the match by sending Sarita over the top rope, or she thought she won the match. Madison runs in and eliminates Velvet, leaving her and Gail wondering what the hell is going on. It took Mike Tenay to announce to the TV audience that when Madison said her statement before the match, she included herself. Therefore, Madison became the number 1 contender.

What Madison did is, while a typical heel thing to do, is an excellent example of a woman being smart.  She tricked everyone including her friend Gail Kim into becoming the number 1 contender. I’m not a big fan of heel versus heel storylines because the crowd don’t know who to cheer for. However, the added fact that they are also the Knockouts Tag Team Champions (in case you were wondering what those belts they were carrying were) does give it the potential to make this a very interesting feud going into Victory Road.

If the WWE want their Divas to be “Smart, Sexy and Powerful”, they need to give the women the opportunity to show that. Madison’s actions were a perfect example of that. I know that the WWE may not view TNA as serious competition, but I see no harm in them looking at TNA to see how they can improve their Divas division.

WWE Elimination Chamber 2012 Review

It’s time for the last PPV before Wrestlemania. Last year, Elimination Chamber helped to solidify the great television that we were seeing in the WWE. Will this year’s event continue in that vein?

The first match was an Elimination Chamber for the WWE Championship? Wait, what? When Justin Roberts announced that, I was shocked. I thought that this match would end the PPV. Anyway, let’s put my shock to the side and watch this match. CM Punk was defending the title against Chris Jericho, The Miz, Dolph Ziggler, R-Truth and Kofi Kingston. We all know that Jericho had a huge advantage as he was going in at number 6, and Punk and Kofi started the match. There was a couple of nice bits with Kofi leaping over the ropes and Punk slingshoting Kofi into Jericho’s pod. After 5 minutes, Dolph Ziggler entered the Chamber and went after Punk and, being the show off that he is, starting doing knee raises while hanging off the cage followed by a leg drop. There was also a cool when Kofi and Punk tried to do jumping clothelines on Ziggler. Ziggler ducked and they collided in mid air. R–Truth then enters the fray and starts attacking Ziggler. However, a couple of minutes later, Punk eliminates Truth with a Macho Man elbow drop. After Kofi hits a Tornado DDT on Ziggler on the outside of the ring, The Miz enters the Chamber and attacks Punk before concentrating on Kofi. After Kofi and Ziggler get temporarily incapacitated, we get a few minutes of Punk and Miz fighting it out.

Just before the 10 count for Jericho to come in, Punk hits Miz with the Anaconda Vice but lets go of it when Jericho enters the Chamber. Jericho hits Punk with a Lionsault for a near fall. Ziggler comes back and tries to pin Jericho with a roll up but Jericho kicked out and hit Ziggler with a Codebreaker to eliminate Ziggler. Punk and Jericho continue their fight and Punk starts to get some momentum before Jericho pokes Punk in the eye then puts himself back into a pod to get some breathing room. Unfortunately, Punk gets the pod open and they fight it out in there before Jericho starts to use the pod door against Punk. Jericho hits Kofi with a DDT then Kofi and Miz have a brief battle between each other. Punk gets back into it and there was a nice spot when Kofi climbed onto the top of a pod and hit a crossbody on Punk and Miz. A couple of minutes later, Jericho puts Kofi in the Walls of Jericho and the way that he put Kofi in the move with his knee on the back of Kofi’s head, effectively immobilising him made sure that Kofi had no choice but to tap out.

Jericho then decides to humiliate Kofi further by throwing him out of the Chamber himself. However, after he done that and the Chamber door was being closed, Punk hit Jericho with a kick to the back of the head, sending him out of the Chamber, colliding with the cameraman and hitting the aisle barrier. After being checked over, referee Scott Armstrong deems that Jericho is unable to continue. On a side note, you can tell that the referees don’t give a fuck about the cameraman as they didn’t take a look at him for a good few minutes. With Jericho unable to continue, the match is now between Punk and The Miz. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale but only gets a 2 count. Despite the Miz’s best efforts, Punk managed to get the victory after hitting the GTS and retain the WWE Championship. I really enjoyed this match and it was a great way to start the PPV. It also gives Jericho a reason to challenge Punk at Wrestlemania as he wasn’t technically eliminated. It’s just that I’m not a big fan of World Championship matches starting a PPV (Royal Rumble excepted) and I’ll get onto that later on in my review. Anyway, well done to Punk on retaining the WWE Championship.

Winner: CM Punk                                         Predictions: 0 for 1

After a backstage segment with Santino and a video of John Cena about his match with The Rock at Wrestlemania, we get the Divas Championship with Beth Phoenix defending against Tamina Snuka. Beth decides to be a nice person and offer Tamina the chance to walk away. Tamina graciously declines by attacking Beth. Tamina tries to go for the Superfly Splash early but Beth pushes her out of the ring and starts to gain some momentum. After a while, Tamina fights back with a Samoan Drop and later on hits the Superfly Splash, in which Beth just kicks out. A couple of minutes later, Beth hits the Glam Slam to get the victory. This is one of the best matches that I seen from the Divas in quite some time and with Beth, Tamina, Natalya and Kharma, they have the potential to create a strong Divas Division.

Winner: Beth Phoenix                                   Predictions: 1 for2

Next we get David Otunga along with John Laurinaitis (did you know that he’s the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and the interim RAW GM?) who starts to go on about Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long being possibly under review when he is interrupted by the arrival of Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio suggests that Laurinaitis not only be the permanent GM of RAW but also of Smackdown as well. If it happens, does that mean that I have to write did you know that he’s the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations, the RAW GM and the Smackdown GM? Del Rio’s suggestion gets some support from not only Mark Henry but a returning Christian. I really like the idea of Laurinaitis being the General Manager of both shows as I’ve never seen anyone do that before. This could be a great storyline with Laurinaitis now effectively having his own stable full of former World Champions. The best bit for me was when Otunga gets a picture of them and this is it:

A great moment and Otunga’s smile for me just makes it so much better.

After an interview of The Big Show by Josh “Bad Timing” Mathews, we get the Smackdown Elimination Chamber?! Wait, so we’re having the Ambulance Match as the main event?! Seriously, why the fuck have the WWE done that? You know what, I’ll bitch about that later and I’ll focus on this match. Daniel Bryan is defending his World Heavyweight Championship against The Great Khali, Cody Rhodes, Wade Barrett, The Big Show and Santino Marella(?!) Unfortunately, my dream of someone attacking Santino during his entrance and taking his spot was unfulfilled (bollocks!) The Big Show and Wade Barrett start off the match and they were pretty decent then Cody Rhodes (reluctantly) enters the match.

Rhodes starts to go into with Show before Show sends him over the top rope onto the steel. Barrett and Rhodes briefly team up against Show before they go up against each other. Santino then enters the match and goes after Barrett before encountering The Big Show. Show sends Santino flying across the ring before we get a bit of back and forth between all the wrestlers. The Great Khali enters the match and hits the Punjabi Plunge on Rhodes then Barrett. Show then spears Khali and eliminates him. Show then decides that Bryan, who is the only one left in a pod, should enter the match a bit earlier by breaking the chains at the top of the pod and destroying Bryan inside. Bryan manages to get out of the pod with Show in hot pursuit. Show sends Bryan back into the pod by throwing him head first through the bulletproof (but not wrestler proof) glass. Eventually, Rhodes hits a DDT on Show followed by a elbow drop by Barrett to eliminate Show. Rhodes starts to celebrate but that comes back to haunt him as Santino eliminates him with a roll up. Rhodes doesn’t take that too well and hits Santino with a Cross Rhodes before leaving. After a while, we get a mini match between Bryan and Barrett with Barrett powerbombing Bryan into the chains then using the pod door to choke Bryan before slamming the door onto Bryan’s head. A few minutes later, Bryan hits a splash on Barrett and Santino pins him, eliminating him. This now leaves Bryan and Santino (?!) Bryan dominates to begin with before Santino hits the Cobra and gets a very, very near fall. Bryan puts on the LaBell Lock and, despite Santino almost powering out of it, he had no choice but to tap out, meaning that Bryan is still the Champion. Afterwards, Sheamus congratulates Bryan by hitting him with the Celtic Cross, solidifying his challenge for the World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania.

The match was not as good as the RAW match but it was still entertaining. I have to give credit where it’s due and I thought that Santino was really good in this match. I feel that with a bit more skill and an evolution of his character, he could be at the upper mid card level. My one criticism was that Bryan entered the Chamber last. I feel that Bryan should have entered the Chamber earlier was it would have made him look stronger.

Winner: Daniel Bryan                                     Predictions: 2 for 3

Next we go backstage with Natalya continuing the bullshit farting gimmick with Hornswoggle followed by Justin Gabriel arguing with Jack Swagger, which was defused by Teddy Long; who made an impromptu match between the two for the United States Championship.

Hey, look at that! The match between Jack Swagger and Justin Gabriel is on now. This match wasn’t that long and it was pretty decent with Swagger eventually getting the win after applying the ankle lock.

Winner: Jack Swagger                                  Predictions: N/A

Now we come to the main event with John Cena taking on Kane in an Ambulance Match. The match quickly goes to the outside, up the aisle to near the Ambulance and Cena uses a back board against Kane. The match goes back to the outside of the ring when Kane gets thrown into the steel steps and then thrown into the ring. Kane starts to dominate the match for a while before Cena fights back with a 5-knuckle shuffle. Kane smothers Cena, knocking him out. Kane then drags Cena out of the ring and brings out a wheelchair to help get him to the ambulance. Cena comes to when he is at the aisle and tries to get out of the wheelchair and starts beating up Kane. Cena slams Kane against the ambulance, grabs the wheelchair and starts using that as a weapon. Cena then puts Kane into the wheelchair and sends him into the technical area located to the side of the titantron. They both start using various pieces of equipment against each other.

The match goes through the crowd ending up back to the outside of the ring. Cena hits Kane twice with a microphone, then hits him with a monitor from the Spanish Announcers table then the steel steps twice to the head of Kane. Cena sets up the steps next to the Spanish Announcers Table, lifts Kane up and carries him up the steps in order to AA Kane through the table. Kane manages to get out of it and chokeslams Cena through the table. Kane goes to the ambulance and grabs a stretcher planning to use it to carry Cena to the ambulance. Kane puts Cena into the ambulance and almost shuts the door when Cena starts to rally against Kane then taunts Kane to follow him to the top of the ambulance. Kane attempts to chokeslam Cena off the ambulance but Cena countered it and AA-ed Kane off the top of the ambulance to the floor (well, some padding I assume. We don’t see Kane land). Cena then puts Kane into the ambulance, closes the door and wins the match. I enjoyed the match and it made both Kane and Cena look strong going into Wrestlemania.

Winner: John Cena                                       Predictions: 3 for 4

This was a decent event. All the matches were pretty good and I really enjoyed the RAW Elimination Chamber. I was impressed with Santino’s performance and he shows how good he actually is. I was also impressed with the Divas match and I hope that this could be the beginning of building a strong Divas division.

However, this event emphasised to me how important the match order is. I always believed that the main event should be a World Title match. There will be times when other matches will be the main event (Cena vs The Rock at Wrestlemania is a prime example), but those are special matches that deserve to be the main event.

I really don’t get why Cena vs Kane was the main event. I kinda get why as the WWE wanted the last image of the PPV to be a victorious John Cena standing near the Wrestlemania logo. However, the match, while good, was not a main event. It would be nice if the last image that we had would have been Sheamus crushing Bryan and having him standing by the Wrestlemania logo. It would have put the focus back on the Royal Rumble being an important event on the Road to Wrestlemania. Because of WWE’s decision to make the Cena Kane match the main event, they made what could have been a good PPV into an okay PPV.

Are You Serious Bro?!

Just thought I share a picture that I created which I think would have been the best opportunity for Zack Ryder to say his catchphrase (no, not Woo Woo Woo!) Hope you like it.

Why Isn't John Cena Challenging for the WWE Championship?

Wasn't this supposed to be Cena's dream at Wrestlemania?

One of the biggest matches in the history of the WWE will take place at Wrestlemania when The Rock, wrestling at Wrestlemania for the first time in 8 years, will take on John Cena. The match was made the day after Wrestlemania XXVII and the week after, Cena announced that he wanted his match with The Rock to be for the WWE Championship.

Now, I, along with probably the majority of wrestling fans, really don’t want that to happen. However, I do find it weird that John Cena is not at least challenging for the WWE Championship. We all know that The Rock sure as hell isn’t going to be WWE Champion before Wrestlemania, so if Cena wants that, he has to win the Championship.

Even though Cena has had to deal with a re-masked Kane, he has had at least two opportunities to challenge for the WWE Championship. Cena did not enter the Royal Rumble and he is not in the Elimination Chamber match. Cena has not been in a WWE Championship match since he lost to Champion Alberto Del Rio at Vengeance. While I feel that the line up for the RAW Elimination Chamber is a strong one, if you added Cena and Kane to the match, you have an opportunity to effectively kill two birds with one stone. You can have Cena and Kane end their feud and have Cena challenging for the WWE Championship at the same time.

While I didn’t really like Cena being continually in the title picture for over the last year and a bit, it makes sense here. Cena wants this match to be the biggest possible and he feels that, with the WWE Championship on the line, that will happen. Depending on Rock’s schedule up to the end of February, you could have him screw Cena out of winning the Championship, adding fuel to the fire between them.

It’s obvious that the match between Cena and The Rock doesn’t need the WWE Championship, but it would be nice to Cena try to get the Championship to fulfil his dream. I sometimes wonder if the WWE think that we have short memories and they just assume that we don’t remember Cena’s declaration last year. It would be nice if they sometimes realise that we do have long memories and use it (if done right) to enhance their storylines.

CM Punk vs John Cena: 2011 LDW Match of the Year

  

The match between John Cena and CM Punk for the WWE Championship was one of the most emotionally charged matches in recent memory. Punk was in his home town of Chicago and was planning to leave the company with the WWE Championship. John Cena, as the face of the company, was determined to stop him but he had the threat of losing his job over him, thanks to Vince McMahon. I can’t remember the last time that such a match outside Wrestlemania had so much anticipation. I found this to be an interesting feud between the two because in this match the roles were reversed. Cena was supposed to be the hero who is saving the WWE by defeating Punk, keeping the WWE Championship in the company. However, even though he was in Chicago, Punk was being cheered because he represented what fans wanted in the WWE: change.

There are many reasons why this match was the Match of the Year. First of all, the entrances. Punk name was being chanted all through the night and the reaction when his music (which at the time was “This Fire Burns” by Killswitch Engage) was unbelievable. Punk’s mane was being chanted loudly with signs about him all over the place. Jerry Lawler summed it perfectly when he said it was like the NFL team Chicago Bears were in the Superbowl, and it was taking place at their own stadium, Soldier Field. It was the complete opposite when Cena’s music hit as the boos were deafening. I liked the way that Cena didn’t do his salute as he was effectively in enemy territory and it showed how serious he was taking this match.

All during the match, you can see that no matter what Cena did, Punk would find some way to get out of it. He kicked out of 2 Attitude Adjustments, and managed to get out of the STF 3 times, including one time when Punk reversed it into his submission move, the Anaconda Vice. This match had you completely hooked in and it went on for a good 25-30 minutes.

The end was when the WWE made you feel that they would play it safe and screw Punk (and the crowd) over. Vince McMahon came out with John Laurinaitis (did you know that he’s the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations?) and when Cena hit the STF yet again, McMahon send Laurinaitis to go and ring the bell, but he is stopped by Cena who doesn’t want the match to end that way. Cena’s decision comes back to haunt him when Punk hits Cena with the GTS to get the win, sending the crowd wild.

McMahon, obviously, wasn’t happy with that and goes to plan B, getting Alberto Del Rio (who had won the RAW MITB match earlier on) to come out. However, Punk, who had been expecting that, kicks Del Rio in the head, gives McMahon a goodbye kiss and runs off into the sunset, never to be seen in the WWE again (well, 8 days).

World renowned reporter Dave Meltzer of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter gave this match 5 stars. It was the first time that he had done that for a WWE match since the Hell in a Cell match between the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels in 1997. That fact, to me, speaks for itself. From the promo video and the entrances, to the match and the ending, everything worked so well. I don’t think that I have seen such an emotionally charged match since Ric Flair vs Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania 24 and I don’t know the next time that I will see something like that again. 

Survivor Series 2011 Preview

Survivor Series this Sunday returns to where I believe is the home of WWE live events, Madison Square Garden, fresh from its refurbishment. With it being the 25^th Survivor Series as well, will WWE pull out all the stops to make it the most electrifying event in sports entertainment? Let’s look at the card.

The Divas Championship is on the line as Eve Torres once again challenges Beth Phoenix. While I like the Legion Divas of Doom, they have been stuttering with slightly inexplicable losses, especially with Natalya. I have a feeling that it may be on its last legs; however, I think that Beth Phoenix will retain.

Predicted winner: Beth Phoenix

The only traditional Survivor Series will be between Team Orton (Randy Orton, Sin Cara, Sheamus, Kofi Kingston and Goliath Mason Ryan) versus Team Barrett (Wade Barrett, Cody Rhodes, Hunico, Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler). Quite a lot of talent on show here so it should be a good match. I’m going for Team Orton, with Orton being one of the last men standing.

Predicted winners: Team Orton

Dolph Ziggler must have liked doing two wrestling matches at the last PPV, Vengeance, as he’s doing it again as he defends the US Championship against John “parkour” Morrison. I feel sorry for Zack Ryder as his petition seems to have been unsuccessful. This is quite a interesting one as Ziggler could be one of the last men standing and could go into this match straight afterwards; or he could be eliminated early in order for him to get a bit of a rest. Also, Ziggler is currently the longest reigning champion in the WWE, so it might be time for a title change. However, I believe that Ryder will be the next US Champion; therefore, I think that Ziggler will retain the Championship.

Predicted winner: Dolph Ziggler

The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line as Mark Henry will be defending his belt against The Big Show. Hopefully, they will have reinforced the ring in case they decide to do an 850+lb superplex again. It would be nice if the Big Show could hold the title for a while, but I don’t think that will happen, so I think that Mark Henry will defeat him cleanly.

Predicted winner: Mark Henry

Alberto Del Rio will be defending the WWE Championship against John Cena CM Punk. Sorry, I’ve still not gotten over the fact that John Cena is not involved for once. This is quite a tough one, as I can see both guys winning. I would like Del Rio to stay WWE Champion til Wrestlemania. However, I would like that to happen to Mark Henry as well. The WWE won’t let both guys be champion til then. I think that Henry is more likely to lose the title (and hopefully regain it) before Wrestlemania so I think that Del Rio will win this, but I suspect that Kevin Nash might lend a hand.

Predicted winner: Alberto Del Rio

Now the main event with The Miz and R-Truth taking on the team of John Cena and The Rock. While I’m really looking forward to this match, anyone who thinks that Miz and Truth have any chance of winning, are deluding themselves. They are the macguffins (basically someone/thing to help the plot along) to the upcoming Cena/Rock Wrestlemania feud. To me, it’s a no-brainer with Cena and Rock winning. I suspect, however, that The Rock will celebrate by giving Cena a people’s elbow.

Predicted winners: John Cena and The Rock

There are only 6 matches on the card at the time of writing this. Survivor Series, due to its format, is an opportunity for some wrestlers who don’t normally wrestle on PPV some extra TV time. Therefore, there might be another match announced on the day.  I won’t get to see al of it until Tuesday so my review won’t be up til then; but with the return of The Rock, this looks like to be a thoroughly enjoyable event.

Hell in a Cell Preview

Instead of having about 3-4 weeks between Pay-Per-Views, we are only having 2 weeks between Night of Champions and Hell in a Cell. It might not have seemed it from my review but I thought Night of Champions was a decent event, I just wasn’t happy with some of the results, especially Cena winning the WWE title. Hopefully, Hell in a Cell will have more agreeable results.

Sin Cara versus Falso Cara will undoubtedly be a brilliant high flying encounter. I would like to thank Falso Cara for debuting a new costume because I’ll be damned if I can tell them apart. I don’t know about this one as I can see both winning but I’m going for Sin Cara to win this and the feud can continue from there.

Christian will take some time off from demanding “one more match” for the World Heavyweight Championship to take on Sheamus. This is quite a tough one to call as I can see both winning. I’m going to take a punt and go with Christian to win this one.

Beth Phoenix is going for third time lucky challenging Kelly Kelly for the Divas Championship. I believe that Kelly’s time as champion will end on Sunday and Beth has to win it, otherwise the Legion Divas of Doom would have been a giant waste of time. I’m going for Beth Phoenix to become Divas Champion for the first time.

Mark Henry defends his World Heavyweight Championship against Randy Orton in a hell in a cell. Mark Henry has been continually destroying people since he became champion, meaning that I believe that he will have a decent run. I can’t see the WWE giving the title back to Orton, although I wouldn’t be surprised if he regains it. Henry needs to take the momentum of being a monster heel into being a monster champion; therefore, I’m going for Mark Henry to win here.

The WWE Championship is on the line in a triple threat match with John Cena defending the title against Alberto Del Rio and CM Punk. It was weird Triple H just throwing Punk into this match but I assume it’s an attempt to prolong the feud between the two by giving Punk a title match. The way that Cena’s matches have been on PPV this year, I can’t see him losing. Therefore, John Cena will retain.

Once again, not many matches have been announced for this one. Expect a couple of bonus matches but hopefully Hell in a Cell will be a good show and I get to do well in my predictions.

Why I’m Slowly Becoming a Cena Hater

At Night of Champions last Sunday, one of the things that had the Internet Wrestling Community going insane on Twitter was the WWE Championship between Alberto Del Rio and John Cena. Del Rio, who had been destined to win a World title since January, finally won it after cashing in his MITB contract at Summerslam on CM Punk. With the WWE holding RAW in Mexico in a couple of weeks, a lot of people were expecting Del Rio to retain the title. Unfortunately, Del Rio lost after submitting to the STF and Cena became the WWE Champion. I don’t see why they had to give Cena a 12th(!!) world title reign, 3 this year alone. I have nothing against Cena as I think he’s a good and entertaining wrestler. However, over the last 12 months, his actions have slowly started to turn me into a Cena hater. Let’s look at the evidence:

The Nexus

The Nexus, at the beginning, was an excellent storyline. They did seem to lose a lot of momentum after losing at Summerslam last year and they focused their attentions on Cena, the face of the company. Cena, through stipulations in matches, was forced to join the Nexus and then got fired by them at Survivor Series. I thought it was a good storyline and I honestly believed that it started to turn some of those people who were not diehard Cena haters back into Cena lovers. Unfortunately, that was all ruined soon after Cena gave his farewell speech. He attacked Wade Barrett during his WWE Championship match with Randy Orton. The next week, he was attacking other members of the Nexus virtually provoked, making Cena seem like a dick, especially since he was going back on his word. This resulted in more of a split than ever.

The Royal Rumble

The Royal Rumble had a good start to it with CM Punk and the Nexus entering early and ganging up on the other wrestlers. Occasionally, a wrestler might briefly fight back but the end result would be them getting eliminated and Punk and the Nexus being the dominant force in the Rumble. That all changed when Cena came in. He came in and eliminated all of the Nexus, except for Punk, within 30 seconds and, while I enjoyed bits of the Rumble match, it is unfortunately overshadowed by that moment.

Super Cena

Can you name me one time that Cena has lost a match by quitting or tapping out? You can’t? That’s because he hasn’t or, if he has, it must have been very early in his WWE career. It seems to be one of the cardinal rules in the WWE: John Cena does not quit. Ever. Not occasionally or once in a blue moon; ever. Knowing that rule does make some of his matches a bit predictable because, if he is facing someone like Del Rio or Daniel Bryan, who have submission moves as finishers, there’s a good chance that they might not win. Although, Cena hasn’t mastered the art of winning table matches so, if you’re challenging Cena, don’t go for a match involving you having Cena do any form of giving up, do a table match.

Never Loses Cleanly

In every PPV this calendar year, Cena has been in involved in the WWE Championship picture. He was involved in the Royal Rumble and then was in the Elimination Chamber to determine the No 1 contender at Wrestlemania, which he won. After that, he was been either challenging or defending the WWE title. The PPV matches that Cena has lost have not been clean wins for his opponent. His losses were:

·         The Royal Rumble – Gets eliminated by the Miz who was not taking part in the Rumble.

·         Wrestlemania – Loses to the Miz after getting Rock Bottomed by the Rock.

·         Money in the Bank – Loses the WWE title to CM Punk after stopping Vince McMahon and John Laurinatis from attempting to screw Punk over.

·         Summerslam – Loses again to CM Punk after the referee Triple H misses Cena’s foot on the rope.

Playing by the Hulk Hogan Rules

Hulk Hogan was the face of the WWE throughout the 80s and early 90s. The fans loved him, although they were times where he would behave in a way that a heel would and yet the fans would cheer him for it. Two examples that spring to mind are Wrestlemania IV where he hit The Million Dollar Man with a steel chair to help Macho Man Randy Savage win the WWE title; and the Royal Rumble 1992 where Hogan, after getting eliminated by Sid Justice, help him get eliminated by Ric Flair. Cena this year has been behaving a bit like Hogan this year. Firstly, he was using gay slurs on the Miz and Alex “Virgil” Riley during their feud, to the point of the WWE getting complaints from gay rights charities. Secondly, so far with his feud with Alberto Del Rio, he was practically bullying Del Rio’s personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez, and then at Night of Champions, robs Del Rio’s car. While the fans loved it, I always believed that Cena is a person who plays by the rules, and he sometimes acts the way that would make a heel proud.

While I’ve listed all the evidence that is making me into a Cena hater, I will give credit where it’s due. He’s had some good matches this year and was the perfect foil to CM Punk in July and August. In that feud, he is the face of the company and therefore, the perfect person to try and stop Punk from leaving with the WWE Championship.

Whilst I’m slowly becoming a Cena hater, I can never see myself being a diehard one. As I have mentioned in an earlier article, Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Ken Shamrock are the only two wrestlers that I hate. The WWE need to realise that Cena doesn’t need to always win and be involved in the WWE title picture and, barring a heel turn of Hogan proportions, will always be cheered by the fans. If you make Cena a bit more human by losing cleanly or, god forbid, him submitting, I think those Cena haters might respect him more and maybe turn some of them away from the Cena hater camp.

Night of Champions Review

Night of Champions was last night and, considering the last two PPVs have been really good, will it get to that same level? Let’s take a look.

The WWE Tag Team Championship was on the line first as Air Boom were challenged by The Miz and R-Truth. I’m a big fan of The Miz’s theme music but it’s very funny seeing him and R-Truth do their duet telling the Buffalo fans that they suck. The match was good but the referee Rod Zapata made 3 questionable decisions that annoyed Truth and Miz. The first was when the he was distracted by Truth missing the fact that Bourne didn’t get tagged in by Kingston. The second and third was when Zapata missed Miz tagging in Truth and while he was arguing with Truth, Miz hit the Skull Crushing Finale on Bourne and the referee didn’t get to make the count for a good 10-15 seconds, by that time Bourne had recovered and kicked out. At that point Miz spat the dummy (Scottish way of saying that he lost his temper) and shoved the referee, getting disqualified and giving Air Boom the win. Truth and Miz didn’t take that decision by Zapata very well and continued to assault him then went on ranting about a conspiracy against them. On the basis of the referee’s decisions, they kinda have a point.

Predictions: 1 for 1 (good start!)

The Intercontinental Championship was on the line as Ted DiBiase challenged the wrestler formerly known as “Dashing” Cody Rhodes. DiBiase throughout the match kept on attacking Rhodes’ mask. The end was when DiBiase took the mask off and tried to hit Rhodes. However, Rhodes countered it into a roll up for the win. Lawler was saying that Rhodes had a handful of tights, but it didn’t look like it and hey, what’s wrong with the bad guys winning clean occasionally?

Predictions: 2 for 2

Before the next match, Christian came out to demand a match against the winner of the World Heavyweight Championship. Christian, face it, you’re out of the title picture for now. Move on. Sheamus came out and struck a deal in that if Christian gets his match and wins, he will be the first challenger. Christian agrees and Sheamus proceeds to brogue kick his head off. I don’t know about you but I guess the deal’s off.

The next match is a fatal 4-way match between US Champion Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, John Morrison and Alex Riley. Riley tried to do a crossbody on Ziggler, which turned out to be a bad idea as Ziggler stepped out of the way and Riley hit the steel steps. The rivalry between Ziggler and Swagger flared up for a while, then Vickie helped out Swagger by putting his foot on the ropes after he got hit by Riley. There was a really good bit near the end where Ziggler had Morrison in a sleeper hold and Swagger had Riley in the Ankle Lock. I thought that it would have been interesting if they both tapped out at the same time, making Ziggler and Swagger co-champions. The ending had Swagger powerbombing Morrison, and Ziggler, who must have reading Edge’s manual on how to be the ultimate opportunist, pushes Swagger out of the way and pins Morrison to get the win.

Predictions: 2 for 3

Next was Randy Orton defending the World Heavyweight Championship against Mark Henry.  Orton had a strategy at the beginning of frustrating Henry and slowing him down. Henry managed to start to get the upper hand when he stretched Orton’s body round the ring post. Henry was quite dominant throughout the match, which started to make me think that Orton would probably pull a RKO out of nowhere and win it. Orton kicked out of the World’s Strongest Slam and then a bit later on tried to hit a RKO but Henry pushed him off, hit him again with the World’s Strongest Slam and got the win. Wow! I know that I have predicted that Henry would lose in his PPV matches and it’s nothing against him, I just thought that it was going to be another failed push. However, I’m so happy that Mark Henry is now the World Heavyweight Champion. It’s a shame that due to the fact he’s now 40 years old, he might not be the champion again. I hope that he has a bit of a run with it. With the exception of the Undertaker, wrestlers that are over 300lbs and look physically dominating in the WWE either don’t become champion or rarely do. Regardless of whether I enjoyed a match or not, if I got the prediction wrong, I would be a bit gutted. Not this time. It might be because I’m not really an Orton fan but I’m happy I got this wrong. So once again, congratulations to Mark Henry on becoming the World Heavyweight Champion for the first time.

Predictions: 2 for 4

Next up was the Divas Championship with Beth Phoenix in her home town of Buffalo hoping for second time lucky by beating Kelly Kelly. Beth Phoenix seems to bring out the best in Kelly Kelly and it was a decent match. There was a good bit where Natalya pulled Beth out of the ring to help her recover. Eve attacks Natalya and Beth grabs Eve’s hair and slams her to the floor. The ending had Kelly Kelly winning by reversing a powerbomb into a sunset flip. Normally, that would be fine. However, the fact that a) she did a similar move to beat Beth at Summerslam and b) Cody Rhodes won with a roll up over an hour earlier did annoy me slightly. A lot of people were thinking that Beth would win this but she didn’t so it could do in a couple of different ways. Either Beth will go for third time’s the charm and possibly go the way that the Orton/Christian feud went earlier this year; or maybe Natalya will get a chance basically saying to Beth “if you can’t beat Kelly, then I will!” The fact remains that if the Legion Divas of Doom want to save the Divas division; their plan’s going to fail at the first hurdle if they can’t defeat the fucking Divas Champion.

Predictions: 2 for 5

The final title to be defended was the WWE Championship, John Cena (yet again!) challenging Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio walked out to the ring with Ricardo Rodriguez announcing him as usual. Wait; hang on, what’s wrong with this picture? Isn’t Del Rio supposed to come out in a luxury car? Well, he would have if Cena haven’t stolen it and drove it in himself. Ok, then, that’s more heel behaviour but you’re Cena, you can do what you want. This match was pretty good and then Del Rio had Cena in the cross armbreaker. Normally, that would be great and thought that it was over but this is Super Cena we’re talking about here who never submits. Ever. It was pretty cool how Cena got out of it by basically lifting Del Rio up in the air into a modified powerbomb. Cena then put Del Rio in the STF and he tapped out, making Cena a 12-time champion at the age of 34. Ok, really?! Really?! Really?! What. The. FUCK?!?!?! It’s shit like this that the WWE Creative department pull that fuck a lot of people off! I’m going to stop for a second before I go on another rant like I did at Summerslam. Give me a minute...

...Ok, I’m back. As you can tell, I don’t think that (along with the fucking majority of wrestling fans) Cena should have won the WWE title. I’m not a big Cena fan and it’s because of shit like this. Due to the fact that the WWE are going to Mexico in a couple of weeks, it was generally thought that Del Rio would still be the champion then. Anyway, I could go on and on but I need to focus on the rest of the article so, congratulations to John Cena, the prick.

Predictions: 2 for 6

Now to the main event of the evening, CM Punk versus Triple H in a no-disqualification match, which seems ironic that the main event of Night of Champions is not a title match. This had an interesting beginning with Punk attacking HHH during his entrance. Punk, I know I’ve recently become a big fan of yours, but you can’t do that to my favourite wrestler. The match went in and out of the ring. Punk managed to elbow Triple H through the Spanish announcers table, and start to get the upper hand. This is where the match becomes a massive clusterfuck and a lot of shit happens, so read this carefully and try to keep up. The Miz and R-Truth come out and take out both Triple H and Punk, draping Punk’s body over Triple H. However, HHH kicks out and, understandably Miz and Truth get into it with the referee Scott Armstrong and beat the crap out of him. John Laurinatis comes out and Triple H and Punk temporarily join forces to get rid of Miz and Truth. Triple H hits the pedigree on Punk and when another referee comes out, Laurinatis gets him to tend to Armstrong instead of making the count. However, when Punk recovers and hits the GTS, Laurinatis gets the referee to make the count, in which R-Truth stops by pulling Punk off him. Yes, you read that right. R-Truth, who 2 minutes ago, tried to get Punk the win then does the complete fucking opposite. That makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Punk then kicks out of another pedigree. Laurinatis decides to stop tending to Armstrong and starts texting someone on his phone. Gee, I wonder who that could be? Yes, you guessed it; Kevin Nash comes in through the crowd and attacks both Triple H and Punk. Nash goes after Triple H again and gets hit by a sledgehammer to the head. Triple H then hits another pedigree on Punk and gets the win.

Predictions: 3 for 7

I was enjoying this PPV until the Divas match then it started to make no sense to me. Firstly, hometown gal Beth Phoenix loses another chance to become Divas Champion; Super Cena becomes a 12(!!) time World Champion, and the main event became more similar to TNA main event with the amount of interference that was going on.

After Money in the Bank and Summerslam, they have gone a massive step backwards with this one. There are only 2 weeks until Hell in a Cell in New Orelans, and the question has to be whether they can bring it back up to that level again.